By David A. Fulghum
05/23/2004 08:19:07 PM
www.aviationnow.com
RAPTOR UNWRAPPED
With long-term military budget cuts looming once again, the U.S. Air Force and Lockheed Martin are finally talking about some of the F/A-22 Raptor's closely held secrets that they hope will keep Congress paying for the $132-million stealth aircraft.
While these conversations, many of them informal, didn't touch on "even one-third of its classified capabilities," according to one pilot, they included the ability to hunt down and destroy cruise missiles well behind enemy lines, the introduction of a new missile that allows the head-on attack and destruction of stealthy enemy missiles, a tailless bomber derivative design, a planned electronic attack capability so powerful that it actually damages enemy electronics, and modifications that would allow the aircraft's electronic package to invade enemy computer networks.
The tone of the conversations was sharpened by a still-unreleased report about the series of air combat training engagements earlier this year between Indian air force Su-30MKs and F-15Cs [in which] the Su-30MKs and F-15 pilots were seeing each other at the same time with their radars, but the Indian pilots were getting off the simulated first shot with their AA-10 Alamo missiles and often winning the long-range engagements. The Indian pilots also had more flight time in the previous year than the U.S. pilots, roughly 300 hr. compared with 250 hr., the pilot said.
Asked if that means that the United States needs to spend $132 Million per F-22 to combat the Great Indian Menace, Air Force Spokesman Major Needleneck von Aileron nodded vigorously. "Those Indians.. we thought we had them down and out after Wounded Knee, but apparently they've come back again… we need to be ready, or we'll all be herded onto reservations and forced to deal blackjack for a living." After a short interlude in which the major was educated on the different meanings of the word "Indian," he changed his answer to "While we are not currently planning on a war with India, the exercises do show the developing level of technology available to non-white nations."
Asked if would not in fact be cheaper to buy the Su-30MK/AA-10 combination used by the Indian pilots, which costs a third of the F-22 package, the spokesman said "What are you, some kind of free-trade nut? We're not sending these pilot jobs overseas. You want the Air Force to go on strike? We got enough grief when we outsourced strategic planning for Iraq to Ahmad Chalabi." When we clarified that we were asking why the Air Force didn't; just buy the planes that were reputed to have "beaten" the F-15s, the Major replied "Well, they're no darn good without the pilots, are they?" Our third try, wherein we asked if America could buy the Su-30MKs, but use American pilots to fly them, the reply was "How the heck can Americans fly planes whose manuals are written in Hindustani, translated from Russian?"
Finally, we noted the use of phrases such as "introduction," "derivative design," "planned," and modifications" in the second paragraph and asked the major whether those capabilities were in fact part of the plane as currently designed, or were future additions that would in fact raise the cost of each plane above the current price tag of $132 Million per plane, Major von Aileron hesitated, appeared to count on his fingers, and said "the $132 Million doesn't even get you the undercoating and the full-size spare. You want advanced missiles, a two-seat bomber variant and aggressive electronics like that, we're talking…. Oh, a lot. And by a lot I mean a gigantic pile of cash."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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