By LINDA GREENHOUSE
Published: March 25, 2004
WASHINGTON, March 24 - Michael A. Newdow stood before the justices of the Supreme Court on Wednesday, pointed to one of the courtroom's two American flags and declared: "I am an atheist. I don't believe in God."
With passion and precision, he then proceeded to argue his own case for why the daily recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in his daughter's public school classroom violates the Constitution as long as the pledge contains the words "under God." [Excerpts, Page A22.]
Dr. Newdow: Forcing my child to say "Under God" affects my rights as a parent.
Rehnquist: Why are you angry at God? He made ice cream, amd kittens.
Newdow: I like kittens, too. I'm not angry with God, I just don't believe in him/her/it.
Stevens: Why not? Are you some kind of atheist? Or is the ice cream the problem?
Newdow: (sighs) No, ice cream is fine. It's just that I am an atheist.
Souter: Your counterpart, Solicitor General Olson, believes in God. Why can't you be more like him? He also calls his mother. Do you call your mother, or do you not believe in her, either?
Newdow: You stop talking about my Mom, or you can meet me outside, punk.
Stevens: You're just being cranky. You should be happy! God wants you to be happy!
Newdow: Yeah? Then why did he take away my puppy Snappers, the funnest dog ever?
Ginsburg: Why can't you just be like other people? Don't you like being like other people?
Newdow: Well, it should be my choice…isn't that what freedom is?
Thomas: Choice, Schmoice. We all wear the damn robes, the least you can do is kowtow to your creator, you heathen. You'll like it. Lots of hot chicks at Church picnics, you know?
Newdow: I wouldn't need a Church to meet chicks if I could have cool robes like you guys. They look bitchin' hot. Can I wear one?
Rehnquist: No. They're for God's friends only.
Ginsburg: You "G-d"s friends. Don't get all evangelical on me.
Thomas: That's it - give the robe back, Ruth, or get baptized.
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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