A US TV network is to reprise its mini-series about Christ on the back of the success of Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. Starring Jeremy Sisto and Gary Oldman it traces Jesus' public life from the Sermon on the Mount to Crucifixion. The TV movie, which will air on 28 March, also starred Jacqueline Bisset as Mary and Will and Grace's Debra Messing as Mary Magdalene. A TV movie shown on ABC on Monday, Judas, averaged 9.1 million viewers but was beaten by repeats of comedies Every Loves Raymond and Two and a Half Men.
Network executive hopes that the combination of currently hot biblical themes and higher-profile stars will allow the movie to succeed where Judas failed. If so, at least one network executive sees a possible spinoff series. "Judas got beat by a couple of fee-good sitcoms, which is understandable - people hate downer movies. So I was thinking how do we lighten Judas up? And then it was obvious!! "Judas Betrays Everybody" would make a great sitcom. Imagine Judas in the year 2004. He's been cursed to wander the Earth for eternity - not in the bible, but hey, so is a lot of stuff in Mel's movie. The premise is, Judas just can't stop betraying people! He works in an ad agency in Pasadena, and has a wife and two adorable kids. Each episode will show him betraying somebody -- his wife, a co-worker, or a trusted friend in exchange for a 30-year old adulteress, a 30-grand raise, or 30 cookies from a bake sale. See? Each episode it'll be thirty something!"
The executive continued "It's great that he's 2,000 years old, because then we can have lots of lines like "I haven't seen a black man cry like that since I sold his wife down the river in 1842 for thirty dollars!" or "Sure you're upset - you don't think Arthur was mad when I sold Guinever's chastity belt key to Lancelot for thirty farthings?" Hilarious! And we can throw in a little physical comedy -- people will die laughing when he sees a chance at a 30-day cruise and he gets that "Oh, no!!" face and we all know he's going to betray someone to get it!! It'll be great!!. And at the end he'll regret it and vow to be better in an utterly unconvincing way --- it's just like Home Improvement!" Pilot production is scheduled to begin next Summer. Casting is undetermined, as everyone in Hollywood is overqualified for the role.
But that's not the only biblical spinoff in the works. Network executives who saw Debra Messing play Mary Magdalene saw dollar signs in the combination of beloved biblical figure and attractive female TV star. Although Messing is unavailable as long as "Will and Grace and Sodom and Gomorrah" is still running, there are plenty of fresh faces willing to star in "Sex and the Desert," the laugh-filled exploits of a young Jewish prostitute in the Holy Land in the years before she meets Jesus.
The young Mary Magdalene will constantly be dodging both her enraged father (Is Ed Asner available?) who wants to beat her for dishonoring the family, as well as the local mob that's always trying to stone her death in a comically inept way. A sassy atmosphere will be ensured by her weekly lunches with her girlfriends (a courtesan, an houri, and a housewife married to a Pharisee with intimacy issues) over hummus and more hummus, as they discuss the latest fashions ("Sandals?!? Again?!?") and plot ways to foil Gladiolus, the corrupt Roman legionnaire who constantly extorts sex from her. You'll debase yourself laughing as Mary and her pals don wacky disguises to escape from the mob, dissect the male psyche and compare makeup tips on concealing bruises from repeated beatings by their men.
Producers hope to get HBO's backing, so they can go "all out" in a way that the increasingly skittish broadcast channels cannot. "It's not really a show about a prostitute without graphic sexual discussions and nudity," said one executive. Asked if an R-rated biblical prequel would sit well with evangelicals, the executive replied "That's the great part - it's Biblical! It's like the Song of Solomon!" Reminded that the bible never actually calls Mary Magdalene a prostitute - a later gloss from grumpy church elders - the executive shrugged and said "Whatever- as long as we can show her naked."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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