Democrats Upset at 'Spoiler' in 2000 Race
By Shankar Vedantam
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, February 23, 2004; Page A01
Consumer advocate Ralph Nader -- whom many Democrats believe played "spoiler" in the 2000 election and helped put George W. Bush in the White House -- announced yesterday that he was going to run for president as an independent.
Spurred by the memory of how Nader siphoned away crucial votes in the 2000 election from Al Gore in Florida and New Hampshire, Democrats yesterday launched a frontal attack on Nader and accused him of being egotistical and irresponsible.
While the Republican National Committee studiously declined to gloat, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R) declared, "Republicans love Ralph Nader!"
Nader won about 3 percent of the vote in the 2000 election; Gore and Bush each won 48 percent. Nader's presence on the ballot proved crucial in at least two states. In Florida, Bush won by 537 votes even as Nader won 97,488. In New Hampshire, Bush won by 7,211 votes as Nader won 22,198.
Coming soon from Al-Jazeera/21st Century Weevil Studios: "Groundhog Decade"
In this hilarious retelling of the Bill Murray classic. Mansour Hashemi plays the role of the Arab world, waking up every few years to find himself facing yet another American invasion. Ralph Nader plays the part of Punxsutawney Phil, who emerges from his Washington townhouse just in time to see his shadow, siphon off a few thousand votes from the hapless Democratic nominee (Chris Eliot, reprising his original role) and ensure four more years of high-tech invasions.
Hilarity ensues as Hashemi, initially unable to believe that he is powerless to stop the process, frantically searches for a way to alter a future he has already lived before. Each year he wakes up to the inane chatter of Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice on Meet the Press talking about "imminent threats " and offering exactly the same forecast for partly cloudy skies, with a 100% chance of cluster bombs. Each year the same series of seemingly random events plays out as if scripted, with inflated intelligence claims dropping out of the sky right on cue, and British Prime Minister Blair "spontaneously" offering his support.
In the end, he can't change what is going to happen, but he can be better prepared, as he becomes skilled in the arts of looting, hiding illegal caches of funds, and obscuring evidence of WMD research. He also learns to play the piano.
The Andie McDowell role is played in this version by the United Nations. Hashemi knows on some level that he must win her support and affection before he can break the cycle of repetition, but originally he only seeks to trick her, using his experience of Security Council voting patterns and the knowledge of which insincere promises she is most likely to accept. In the end, he comes to realize that only a sincere change of heart on his part, coupled with a sham pardon of Pakistani WMD suppliers, will truly win the UN's heart.
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
Home Previous Lines of the Day
Usually that line is a come-on for "donations" via Paypal. Well, we know you're broke, and we'd just spend the money on sniffing glue anyway, so forget money. Send us feedback. Like this story? Hate it? Think we're the lamest site since microsoft.com?
No, we won't do anything with your return address execpt, maybe, send you a thank-you note.
