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By KATHARINE Q. SEELYE
Published: January 29, 2004
CHARLESTON, S.C., Jan. 28 - In choosing Roy Neel to oversee his presidential campaign, Howard Dean has selected a Washington insider known for organizational skills and close ties to Al Gore.
Dr. Dean rejected a suggestion Wednesday night that Mr. Neel's history as a corporate lobbyist (for the United States Telephone Association, where he lobbied for independent telephone companies including the Baby Bells) could pose a problem for the candidate's outsider image; he said Mr. Neel was not a lobbyist now.
Asked if that meant that Neel had undergone a Pauline conversion and renounced his former calling or just that Neel would not be lobbying again until after the campaign, a Dean spokesman said "Is this one of those religion questions? We've already explained that the candidate is a bike-patharian who doesn't wear his faith on his sleeve. So we're not getting into any of that holy rolling, speaking in tongues, born again crap." Assured that the question was about the permamanency of Neel's renunciation of lobbying, the aid replied "Well, he promised not to do any from the campaign trail, but we can't keep tabs on him 24 hours a day. Raking in that kind of cash is a hard habit to break, but we've got him on a transdermal patch that combines nicotine with new-money smell and we think he'll be OK."
The campaign hopes to minimize news reports of the switch so they can focus on the main themes of the Dean campaign - the need for further deregulation of the Baby Bells, the possibility of free trade in telecoms services improving life at home and abroad, and the desperate need to get an exception to the national do-not-call list for Baby Bells.
In a related campaign move, the Dean campaign named Salvatore "Sal" Salmonella as its chief of campaign security. Asked if Mr. Salmonella's history of murder for hire, white slavery, and other mafia-related enterprises would be a problem for the campaign's image, Mr. Neel said "he's not a white slaver now, and he's promised not to conduct any white slaving during the campaign, so I don't see it as an issue."
Special Bonus LOTD:
Condoleeza Rice, acknowledging at last that there are and were no WMD stockpiles in Iraq, still insists that Bush had had no real choice but to invade Iraq.
Asked how a country with no WMD, no confirmed history of supporting al-Qaeda, and and a conventional military that had been emasculated in 1991 Gulf War, could possibly threaten the United States sufficiently to warrant being invaded, Dr. Rice replied "Continental Drift."
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The rest is the fakey part.
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