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By John King
CNN Senior White House Correspondent
VATICAN CITY (CNN) --U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney and Pope John Paul II briefly met at the Vatican on Tuesday as both sides worked to play down differences over the war in Iraq.
Cheney also was holding talks with the No. 2 official at the Vatican, Secretary of State Cardinal Angelo Sodano.
Cheney presented the pope with a crystal dove, delivering greetings from U.S. President George W. Bush.
In a move that appeared to disconcert the Pontiff, Cheney immediately whipped out a hammer and smashed the crystal dove, declaring "see what happens to peace-lovers? You want to wind up like the bird? Huh?"
Cheney was escorted from the audience hall by members of the Swiss Guard, as he shouted "I'm not afraid of you, old man! There's no spider hole deep enough to hide in!"
Asked later what could have provoked such behavior, Cheney's spokesman, Hal I. Burton, said that "First, I think the example of Libya speaks for itself: The only language these strongmen understand is violence. It's just like the Godfather movies, and the horse's head. It's not personal, it's just business."
The Adminsitreation is reported to be in something of a tizzy over the incident, with Secretary of State Powell reportedly saying "He did what?!? That schmuck - I'm going to have to spend the next month cleaning up after that knuckle-dragger." On the other hand, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz's office pointed out that just because the Vatican has not been shown to have WMD stockpiles does not mean that they aren't a threat to America's security. "The Pope is the unelected tyrant of a theocracy that espouses a radical agenda of love and fellowship," according to the Pentagon, "And their outdated socialist economic model has clearly failed them. We need to pre-empt these wafer-wielding weirdos before they … I don't know, consecrate a new cathedral or something."
National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice's office refused to comment on the policy dispute, saying "it's not Dr. Rice's job to coordinate policy." Asked what else the National Security Advisor did, an aide replied "Well, she likes to play piano, and she has to exercise constantly to maintain that figure… oh, you mean job-wise? Let's just say explaining geography to the President is a full-time job, OK?"
Asked if there were any part of the Vatican apparatus that the Pentagon did not dislike, Wolfowitz's office replied "The Inquisition, the Index of forbidden books, and of course those cool hats."
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