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Tue January 13, 2004 06:01 PM ET
By Adam Entous
MONTERREY, Mexico (Reuters) - President Bush will call on Wednesday for landing an unmanned spacecraft on the moon this decade to lay the groundwork for humans to return to the lunar surface and eventually visit Mars, administration officials said.
Ironically, just as Bush's plans have neergized long-time space buffs, they have also given new impetus to a completely different group - those who believe the entire Moon Program was a hoax. Conspiracy theorists, many of whom believe that man never walked on the moon, immediately decried the news as a fraud. "Clearly, Bush never went to Monterey," said Zachary Hemofeeling, editor and chief investigator of the Moon Hoax Website www.creepyobsessiveguy.com. "If he were really in Mexico, there would be colorful peasants in big sombreros behind him in the picture - instead there's some tall guy with cowboy boots. Clearly the whole thing was filmed on a sound stage in Nevada. It's not even a good fake."
Asked why the government would fake something as routine as a trip to see Mexican President Fox, Hemofeeling sighed. "It's not routine at all. Clearly something has gone terribly, terribly wrong in Mexico that the government is trying to cover up. It might be a giant radioactive lizard outbreak, it might be the advance of a million-zombie machete-wielding army of cannibals North towards the border, it could be a lot of things."
Asked how the government could keep the existence of, e.g., an army of a million zombies quiet, given that thousands of Americans who visit Mexico every year and return with nothing worse than sunburn and hangovers, Hemofeeling laughed. "Thousands?!? More like a few dozen - all SEAL team members trained in hand-to-lizard combat. Where are these supposed thousands of tourists? Huh? Have you or any of your friends been to Mexico since the outbreak? I sure haven't." This reporter didn't have the heart to ask if he had any friends to consult on the matter.
Other observers put more credence in the President's statements. "Oh, sure, we'll go to the Moon this time," said one. "Just so we can leave a lot of fake Apollo Program debris around."
Professional journalists, however, showed no such doubts. "If the President says it, it must be true," said Pascal Blaze of the New York Times. "I mean, doubting the President would be unprofessional, a sign of deep left-wing bias, and possible unsuitability for the job of journalist, according to Mr. Cheney. If we start doubting the Big Guy, we'd have to ask questions like 'was the Iraq War a scam planned before 9/11'? and 'Where are the WMD, you lying scuzzbags'?"
Asked if there existed some kind of middle ground between the conspiracy-themed rantingsof the Moon Hoaxers and the lap dog antics of the major media, Blaze said "Well, there is that new liberal radio network that's supposed to be starting up. I hear they're going to mix attacks on the adminstration with humor."
Speaking from experience, Muskrat News can assure its readers that such a format will never sell.
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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