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Sun January 4, 2004 06:19 AM ET
By Dan Whitcomb and Gina Keating
PASADENA, Calif. (Reuters) - A robotic explorer beamed stunning images of the bleak Martian surface back to Earth, showing on Sunday it had made a safe landing in what NASA scientists said could be a dry lake bed ideal for finding signs of life on the red planet.
The photos showed a terrain that looked remarkably like rural Iraq, which the adminstration dismissed as "a fortuitous coincidence." The rover's first act was to tear down what was described as "a statue of an alien overlord" -- but which appeared to be a simple rock - and cover it with an American flag. Karl Rove then immediately hung a "Mission Accomplished" banner on NASA HQ. When asked if that were appropriate before deployment of the robot explorer, Rove blamed the banner on 'the cleaning crew.'
Nonetheless, the mission was roundly criticized at a Democratic Candidate's debate in Iowa today for "lack of an exit strategy." Although Lieberman strongly supported the need to "Find and Eliminate Martian WMD stockpiles," Gephardt noted "Mars missions have experienced more than a 50% casualty rate over the last decade, and yet the administration blithely announces that the mission is a 'success' based on a few photos. Well, what happens when the insurgents fire back?"
When Carol-Mosely Braun suggested there were no insurgents on Mars, Kerry laughed and said "Sure - and there were no VC in the hamlet two clicks above Lum Ta on the Mekong back in '69, but HERE COME THE TRACERS!" He spent the ret of the debate hiding under his podium.
Others critiqued the move on mythopoetic grounds. "As Antaeus of old drew his strength from contact with the Earth, Bush seems to draw his strength from contact with Mars, both the God of War and the planet," noted Denis Kucinich. "And he seems to think that contact with the planet Mars will strengthen him now that support for his warlike actions on earth is fading. Well, the election is held on Tuesday, a day named for Mars, but it won't be Bush drawing his strength from that contact!"
Howard Dean's only comment was "I raised $15 Million last quarter - bite me."
Special Bonus Line of the Day:
From Washingtonpost.com:
U.S. To Start Transfer of Power to Iraqis
"We'll start with fifty volts to the fingertips, and work up to higher voltages and more sensitive spots if they won't talk," said a CENTCOM spokesperson.
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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