"Difficile est satiram non scribere." (It is difficult to not write satire.) - Juvenal

Spring Forecast

Not yet... soon....real soon now... any minute now... almost there... No!  Not yet!  But pretty soon.  Yeah.  

Horoscope



Taurus
    Duck

Aries
    Spit it out

Virgo
  Look to your left!

Saggitarius
   Get your brakes checked

Capricorn
    Don't say it.  I don't care how damn funny it would be, it will just make them mad

Pisces
  Antibiotic creams are your friend

Aquarius
   On the other hand, antibiotic creams are not *miracle* creams, either

Libra
   The stars hate to say this, but subscribing to the GAO daily press release listerv does not make you cool.

Frequently Asked Questions: The Answers

  Q:  Does this smell funny to you?

A:  No, it smells hilarious,.
Line of the Day
From the Post:

Buzz is that John Berry, .... director of the National Zoo, has accepted an Obama offer to be director of the Office of Personnel Management.

Insiders say he was named for his managerial prowess, not his animal husbandry skills, and that Obama is in no way comparing the bureaucracy to an enclosure full of poop-flinging monkeys.  Nonetheless, some changes are in order:

--Annual pay increases replaced with "fresh straw"

--Use of tranquilizer darts automatically allowed 'for any meeting running over 30 minutes.

--OPM personnel required to wear khaki shirts and pith helmets.

--All Agencies to open gift shops featuring merchandise bearing image of "most adorable GS-9 you have available."

--EEO notices on office calendars replaced with "Alpha Wolf gets the Females - Deal With It."

--Organizational Charts replaced with "Exhibit Labels" that show each employee's "Natural habitat in task-space"

--'50s era-offices replaced with cage-free enclosures; subtle landscaping obscures tourists' views of electric fences, moats between them and DASs.

--Lemurs no longer in charge of Iran policy..



Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.

Lines of Previous Days

03/24/08    Carville Compares Himself to Saint Peter
03/19/08    Republican Idol Begins Casting
03/08/08    Doug Feith Seeks Mulligan on Iraq
03/02/08    Our Four Part Series on the Obama Drug Craze
02/10/08    Obama Swift Boating Begins: He Was Normal
02/08/08    Hillary Stridently Demands Nobody Feel Sympathy For Her
02/05/08    Bundchen Develops Headache With :10 Left in Fourth Quarter
02/04/08    Dewey Defeats Truman
01/23/08    "President Grandpa" Canceled
01/22/08    Bush League Sounds Better and Better
01/21/08    Hillary Throws Self into Briar patch
01/18/08    Muskrat Blah blah  
10/08/08    Navy Lawyer Promoted to "Civilian"
10/09/06    Google!  Boo!
10/11/06    Justice Runs Out of Ideas
10/12/06    It's Hard Out There For Karl Rove
10/20/06    Rove Sick of 99 Bottles of beer Song
10/26/06    Candidate Sorry to Slime Rival
11/08/06    Rove Seeks New Challenges
 11/12/06    Dems promise to Fail in Bold New Ways
11/17/06    Bo Dies One For The Gipper
11/26/06    Maker of WMD "Sorry"
11/27/06    Sports Stays Classy